Starting and managing a business when you have a family to look after too, can be stressful and draining, apart from the immense time it consumes. But when you have someone to hold your hand, love you and to have your back, things become simpler if not less hectic.
Every relationship is special, and I keep learning from each one of mine. But on Valentine’s, most of all, I think of all the lessons I learn from the 3 special men in my life – my wonderful and supportive husband and my 2 handsome boys (age 8 and 5). They are the guys who keep me going and teach me every day the value of a supportive family.
I will always be a proud, immigrant, colored woman managing a business in the US, but it is difficult for me to ignore the immense love and support that the men in my life offer, which allow me the opportunity to follow my dream.
So, in celebration of my loved ones for the approaching Valentine’s Day, I want to share with you the top 8 things that I learned from the men in my life.
- Keep the emotions at bay
We women proudly display our emotions at the drop of a hat. It’s how we teach our boys to be sensitive and expressive. But there are times when we need to put a lid on it and do what a lot of men do – rationalize and take unemotional decisions. An effective approach that my husband takes is to put his fears, apprehensions and anxiety aside and take a logical, practical decision even in the midst of chaos. I can tell you; this attitude has tided me through numerous difficult situations in the toughest of times. Like they say, you don’t have to be intense in every situation, having a sense of humor instead pays off.
- You don’t have to be superwoman
If there’s something my boys have been reminding me all the time, it is that I don’t have to be perfect at everything. In fact, they give me the confidence to be imperfect. All three of them appreciate that I’m juggling work and home and have millions of tiny things that I need to get done at the same time. They also agree that I can’t be an expert at all of them. So if I burn the cake at times, or I’ve forgotten to pick up something on the way home, they smile and adjust. Do I feel guilty? Of course, I do! But the unconditional love that I get from all three of them, makes me buckle up and try harder next time. The result? I try to do better every time, but I don’t need to be superwoman, because I know that they love me just the way I am.
- Wear what you’re comfortable in
Looking good is important and I don’t deny it. But stressing out about how you’re looking because your man will judge you can be very nervy. What I love the most about my husband is that he thinks I’m beautiful even when I’m having a bad hair day. He’s always believed that being comfortable is so much more important than looking glamorous. And I’ve found that the day I’m comfortable with my hair and clothes is when I do best at work and at home. Having the confidence to wear what you like and look comfortable rather than to be under pressure to always look good for your partner and kids, is the most useful gift they can give you. It conveys the message that they love you the way you are and for who you are, rather than for what you look like.
- Do your own thing
Life is a huge storm if you can’t extract yourself from the tornado and spend some time alone doing what you like. But to do that you need the men in your life to want that too. I grew up in a conservative environment where women were solely responsible for domestic duties and had almost no time for themselves. My blessing from God is that my boys want me to have fun too. They know that doing my thing every now and then without them, gives me strength, energy and happiness and that it is necessary for my mental and emotional stability. The space we give each other not only ensures happy and healthy relationships, it keeps me motivated and positive.
- Everyone has to pull their weight
Nothing can beat teamwork. Especially when you’re the only woman at home! With 3 pairs of extra (male) hands helping you around the house, things tend to go like clockwork. I’ll be honest – there are the occasional cases of chaos now and then, but to know that we’re all in it together and that the men at home will help you clean up the mess, cook another dinner, go pick up what you forgot or just make life easy for you in general, can be a relief that can’t be explained. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about! The learning? Life works better when we work as a team.
- You take the ups with the downs
To have a cool-headed, logical guy around the house while you’re freaking out about a deadline missed, a dinner forgotten in the oven or a lapsed school project is the awesome thing a girl can have. While I’m almost pulling my hair out he’s calmly figuring out what we need to do next. In fact, we make such a great team – me flailing my hands and rolling my eyes, while he’s calmly discussing the options. The result? I calm down, take a deep breath and we find a way out together. It really can’t get any better than that.
- Keep it short
Yep like a lot of other women I like to elaborate on things. Like what I’m feeling, why I took a certain decision, why we need to do something etc. The father of my children has a way of cutting things short, getting to the point and getting on with things. To tell you the truth I’ve found that we usually waste less time and get things done faster when we do that. A lot of us are used to explaining in detail. It took a while, but I’ve come to accept that there is a time and place for elaboration and for the rest of the times it so much more effective to just come to the point and spell it out. And you know what? If I spend less time talking about it, I get more time to actually do things. Big learning huh?!
- Never give up
So, you’re continuously dealing with hurdles and it feels like you can’t take it anymore. And there comes your knight in shining armor, gives you a bear hug, looks into your eyes and says the four magic words – “you can do it”. Do you know what that does for your self-esteem and motivation? You pick yourself up, straighten your back and prepare yourself for another battle. His own commitment to what he does and his courage in the most difficult of moments teaches me to do the same. Even those unconditional hugs and kisses from my boys telling me how much they need and love me, gives me the strength to get up, brush off the dust and keep going.
In the end as Sam Keen says, “You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly”.
Happy Valentine’s to you all.
Magbè
Great article! Your second tip really spoke to me. “You don’t have to be superwoman.” Many women can benefit from this article, thank you for sharing!
Glad you found it helpful.
KEEP EMOTIONS AT BAY – my husband has taught me this one for SURE (not that I am even very emotional to begin with)! In those rare instances where I need a cry or have a moment, he doesn’t know how to handle it because it’s not LOGICAL! Ha Ha! He’s like, what’s wrong, we need to fix the problem. And I am like, I don’t know what’s wrong, I am justy crying – and he bugs out because he just doesn’t understand emotion ahahahah!
Our men are so patient. Even I will be mad if someone cries and can’t place it but I do it a lot.
Definitely learned to wear what I’m comfortable in from my boyfriend. Somehow, he thinks I look great when I’m wearing old leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. Which happen to be my favourite things to wear 🙂
This is me everytime. Can I be comfy at home in those old legging and oversized tees belonging to my husband? Nothing makes me more happy.
Being a woman is hard enough, being a career woman with a family is even harder. And sometimes it is hard to keep emotions under control, especially that when we get overwhelmed with things we have to do to balance life.
It’s indeed hard, but we can do it.
I have four kids, three girls and one boy and let me tell you I’ve learned so much from him. I want to teach him so many things and I want him to learn to treat women how he’d want his wife treated.
Yes, momma. Doing same for my boys.
Life is full of experiences, your post is on point. Sometimes you have to live life to learn from mistakes you make.
Learning from the mistakes we made is part of growth.
What amazing advice. I don’t have any men in my romantic side of life but I do work with them.
You can also have a nice relationship with them.
This blog is so interesting and really inspiring for all the women in a relationship out there. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thanks for the nice words.
These are all excellent pieces of advice! When I was younger, my emotions ran high! Wish I had been given this advice in my twenties.
I was just like you when I was yunger with emotions at its peak. But, here we are with more knowledge.
Thank you for those wonderful advice. I would also be grateful for everything in between
Glad you found the post helpful.
What a great Valentine’s Day post;) It should be fun to learn a thing or two from our boys too:D
There are so much to learn plus they are fun too.
Your life is so interesting. You had so much gratitude and love your boys too much. I admire for that.
Thank you.
What a lovely post. You can never find a man as supportive as yours. Lovely family.
Thank you!
You have such a lovely men in your life. Glad that They are able let you wear what’s comfortable in Lol. Some men are very keen in womans style of clothing.
I wouldn’t be able to deal if I have to put up with men like this.
Definitely, you have the best men in your life! They show how they love you so much and will support you all the time.
I’m sincerely grateful for having these men in my life.
I just love how lovely your family are. Having the best men in your life makes you complete.
I’m so thankful for them.
I like that you’ve learned to be comfortable in your own skin and wear the things that make you feel it, too! So nice.
There is nothing greater than this, Fatima.
Nice reading about your thoughts. Life is a challenge and we can deal it best if we handle any situation with a smile.
This is a mantra that has stayed with for a long time now.
I am a Single Mom and I have a son. Yes I do agree with you that we don’t need to be Superwoman. We just need to take care of ourselves so we can love others.
I learnt this the hard way.
Amazing content , thanks for sharing with us <3
Glad you stopped by.
Keeping it short…totally agree 🙂 So many gentlemen don’t have the attention span for long conversation!
ven I don’t have it. Simple and short makes communication effective.
Do your own thing!! It’s great to remember that you are an individual FIRST!
Most times, we forget this and totally ignore our existence.
Such an interesting article. I agree with the keep it short statement.
Thanks for stopping by, Miss J
These are awesome! We learn so many lessons throughout the years. Thanks for sharing.
You are most welcome. Check back in to see more, Bethany
Never give up is a great lesson for anyone.
Thanks that you find it valuable, Sarah
These are some really great tips! I’m definitely emotional sometimes when it comes to decisions or things i’m doing. It’s important to have a good perspective 🙂 it looks like you’ve got that!
Debs @ https://tiger-mint.com
Everyone should strive to be always positive – it saves a lot of bad things.
Oh my gosh this post is just very timely for me. It’s only been six months since my partner (the father of my son) and I broke up and I learned a lot of things from that failed relationship. And reading this post made me learn so much more that I will surely take with me if there will be someone out there for me in the future.
So sorry about that Janine. I’m glad you’ve healed as you now see everything as a lesson. Sending you lots of love.
mostly in the end, its how about you react on things that happens around you. Keep them positive as much as possible.
I totally agree with you, Micheal
Sounds like you have some great men in your life!!!! It’s funny that most guys would rather have us be comfy lol
Like…. And we worry all for nothing most times on how we want them to see us.
Regardless where you learned them, those are all important lessons. Accepting that I am not SuperWoman was part of the reason I started my own website, to help parents reach their goals and live their best life, without the stress of aiming for superparent standards. Clearly, that was a big one for me – it can be so easy to succumb to the social pressures other people put on us, or that we see in social media, so it’s a relief to let it go.
It’s a BIG relief to LET IT GO…
The men in your life are lucky to have a woman with such a positive outlook. Keep loving and keep learning!
Thank you, Aditi
I have learnt from my man how to handle things without getting stressed out. He never panics, doesnt get overwhelmed, excited or negative. No matter what, he remains calm and pulls it off, I still over react to things but i am learning to handle things his way.
There’s a lot to learn from them.
This is a good read. Agree to all of your points and yes it is teamwork.
Sudipa
http://www.Asipoflife.com
Thank you, Sudipa
What a great idea for a Valentines Day post. Looking at what you’ve learned from the men/boys in your life is really inspiring. So much of this applies to my own life – but worth examining more. Definitely need to learn to keep things shorter, for example. I’ll try it right now…
xx Luci
I love your play on words, Luci
You don’t have to be superwomen! this is the lesson I like the most! Go girl!
With this, I can unapologetically leave the kids and go on a girl’s trip.
As a big “type A” personality, the “You don’t have to be superwoman” totally spoke to me! I have a tenancy to take on a lot and so this was really helpful!!
This is such a great post. There are so many things that I have learned from the men in my life as well. The keep emotions at bay really resonates with me because sometimes I tend to get overly emotional which causes my significant other to become uncomfortable and shut down.
I used to do this a lot too. But now we know better than that.
I loved how you reflected and documented all the things you learned from past relationships. Interesting concept for a post.
Great article this is something I can definitely learn from.
Good to read that it was helpful.
Yes being superwoman isn’t easy and having special time is so ideal. Lol and we do over explain but sometimes you need to let it out a bit.
Although I don’t believe in love or relationships but all things are just the one I can’t deny…..
The tip and message that you shared about learning never to give up really resonates with me. Relationships should always be a little give and take so each party is benefiting in some way.
Only if we could all be selfless to one another, the world will be a better place
Interesting post – some great tips and advice here! I will definitely have to take some of this on board and see what I have learnt from the men in my life x
Life is full of experiences, and your post is really great. I totally agree on all the things you mentioned in your post.
I’m glad you found it great, Corina